Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

June 02, 2000

Thanks to many Bozo News Hawks who alerted us to this one. From the International File in Manila, Philippines comes the story of bozo Augusto Lacandula who was upset because his wife had run off with another man. Our distraught bozo boarded a Philippines Airlines flight wearing a fetching blue bonnet and swimmer’s goggles, with a lavender colored homemade parachute on his back. He walked around the cabin waving a hand grenade, terrorizing passengers and demanding cash. As the airplane descended and the cabin was depressurized so he could leap out our bozo noticed that his parachute didn’t have a ripcord. The helpful crew made a makeshift one out of a length of curtain sash and attached it to the contraption. Then, when it came time to make his big jump to freedom, our bozo chickened out…but again the helpful crew came to his rescue with one of them giving him a little push. To no one’s surprise, the chute didn’t open and our bozo was found on the jungle floor with only his arms sticking out of the mud.

June 01, 2000

From Spokane, Washington comes the story of bozo car thief Harold Montoya who "hot wired" a car and sped away, going right through the first red light he came to. As luck would have it a police officer spotted him and pulled him over. As the officer was walking up to the car, he noticed our bozo struggling to turn the car off. And the only way he could do it was with a screwdriver and a pair of pliers. He’s been arrested.