Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

March 02, 2000

Bozo criminal for today took the "Santa Claus" approach to crime. From Cincinnati comes the story of bozo Dale Strickland who tried to break into the Sportsman’s Bar by shimmying down the chimney. Of course, you know what happened. He got stuck and the employees opening up the next morning had to call the cops who had to call the fire department who had to dismantle part of the chimney to get him out. And to add insult to injury, even if our bozo had been successful in climbing down the chimney, it wouldn’t have gotten him anywhere. The chimney he tried to climb down was for the tavern’s water heater and didn’t even open into the building.

March 01, 2000

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Greg Branch who passed along today’s report. From Longview, Texas comes the story of bozo Larry Warner who was behaving rather suspiciously in the Sav-a-Lot grocery store. When our bozo attempted to leave the store with a large package underneath his shirt, the store manager took off after him, chasing him out into the parking lot. Our bozo threw down the package of pork ribs he was hiding and ran, with the manager in hot pursuit. He then tried unsuccessfully to flag down several passing cars before finally jumping into the back of a pickup truck that had stopped at a red light. Unfortunately, our bozo picked the wrong pickup to jump into. It was driven by an off duty police officer who quickly took him into custody.