Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

July 30, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from Elgin, Illinois where bozo Jason Martin showed up at the police station one night to take part in the "ride along" program, which allows citizens to accompany officers on patrol. A detective in the station house thought our bozo looked a little familiar so while he was out riding with an officer, the detective ran a computer check on the bozo and found an outstanding warrant. Bozo Jason got an extra ride in the squad car–straight to the county jail.

July 29, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Quebec, Canada comes the story of bozo Sylvain Boucher who was spotted by prison guards standing between the prison’s stone wall and an outer fence. Thinking he was trying to escape, the guards quickly apprehended him. Upon his capture, it was discovered that he was not an inmate and was carrying a large amount of illegal drugs. After further questioning, the bozo admitted that he was trying to break into the prison, thinking there would be a good market for his drugs there. He’ll get to find out, he’s looking at 14 years.

July 28, 1999

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Vince Colvin of Mineola, Texas for passing along today’s bozo. From San Diego, California comes the story of bozo Rondell McDaniel who stopped by the offices of a soft drink distributing firm, under the premise of looking for a job. He was given a job application form to fill out, which he did. The bozo then waited for just the right moment to take it back to the front desk. When he thought no one was looking he turned in the form and snatched a $375 business check from the top of the desk. It didn’t take long for someone to notice that the check was missing and the only likely suspect was our bozo. Fortunately, he had left behind the completed job application, complete with his correct home phone number. The bozo was called and asked to please come back for a "follow-up interview." He showed up, but the only interview he had was with the police.

July 27, 1999

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File. From Bogota, Columbia comes the story of a group of bozo crooks who broke into a shoe store and stole over $16,000 worth of shoes. Exactly 756 shoes to be exact. And they got away with it, too. The cops are still looking for them. So what exactly makes them bozos? Well, you see all the shoes the bozos stole were display models. And in this store, to save space only the right shoe is put on display–the left one is kept in the back of the store and is brought out only if a customer wants to try a pair on. So our bozos got away with 756 shoes, all of them for the right foot only.

July 26, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Cyberspace File. Bozo Alexander Jarvis was the district sales manager for Harvard Neckware in suburban Miami, a necktie company. As sales manager, it was easy for our bozo to steal a few ties. Quite a few, actually, about $100,000 worth. And what would a bozo do with $100,000 worth of neckties stolen from his employer? Set up a website to sell them, of course. Now, the owner of the company knew someone was stealing from him but would never have suspected his trusted sales manager until he stumbled upon his website while surfing the net. What caught his eye was that the bozo had used his own home address and cell phone number for the company. And to top it off, the bozo never even bothered to remove the identifying company name tags from the back of the ties. Needless to say, he’s been arrested.

7 23, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From London, England comes the story of bozo Lee Harper who broke into a car an found a camera in the glove compartment. He let his girlfriend take a picture of him as he searched the car and then proudly posed outside his home, showing off the car and the screwdriver he used to break into it. A short time later, he dumped the vehicle, leaving the camera, with the film still in it, in the car. The car was returned to the owner who had the film developed. Upon seeing our bozo’s smiling face in the photos he turned them over to the cops, who immediately recognized and arrested our bozo. The whole situation was summed up in typical British fashion by the police spokesman who said, "We are very grateful to this man for making his own arrest so easy. He quite literally put himself in the frame for his own crime."

7 22, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Cordoba Province, Argentina comes the story of Bozo Hector Bedelia who robbed a woman as she sat in her car at a resort on San Roque Lake. Alerted by the victim’s screams, the cops quickly arrived and began chasing our bozo thief. Hemmed in by his pursuers, our bozo jumped into the lake to escape. Bad idea. You see, our bozo could not swim. The officers had to first save him before they could arrest him.

7 21, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Salta, Argentina comes the story of an unidentified bozo who stole some clothes from the monastery there. He might have gotten away with it if he hadn’t returned to the church the following week and taken communion from the priest wearing the very clothes he had stolen. The priest concluded mass and then called the cops who arrested the bozo parishoner.

7 20, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stamford, Connecticut where nothing went right for bozo Carlos Perez who tried to rob a Staples office supply store. Our bozo hid in the store until it closed for the evening, then donned a rubber mask similar to the one worn in the movie "Scream" and, brandishing a pistol, confronted a warehouse worker. The worker called his supervisor who came over and, thinking the whole thing was a prank, simply ripped our bozo’s mask off. This so surprised the bozo that he dropped his pistol, which was promptly picked up by the supervisor who took it and ran to his office to call the cops. Meanwhile our bozo pulled out yet another gun, which the warehouse worker immediately took away from him. The bozo then decided it might be time to get out of there and made a break for the door where he was met by the police.

7 19, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from Baltimore, Maryland where bozo Dorothy Jackson was running for mayor. Bozo Dorothy showed up at the local TV station to take part in a live interview on the "Newsmaker" segment of the 6 o’clock news and left the station in handcuffs after a police officer watching the show recognized her as a wanted fugitive. To top it off the bozo had just spent much of her interview talking about how the city police needed better training. Sounds like they were trained well enough to catch her!

7 16, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois where the landscapers at O’Hare International Airport were working on a beautification campaign. They had announced plans to plant wild flowers along the airport runways and in preparation had brought in several loads of compost and topsoil, dumping it on land adjacent to the runways. A bozo gardner, however, spotted the stuff and had what he considered a better idea. Bozo Alan Harrell had somehow been able to sneak onto the airport property and plant several marijuana plants in the rich topsoil. The plants took off and were growing rapidly when one of the airport landscapers noticed them. The cops were called and wouldn’t you know it, our bozo gardner showed up to tend his plants at about the same time the cops did.

7 15, 1999

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 0888: If you’re gonna steal from your neighbors, at least keep the stolen loot out of sight. From Gifford, Florida comes the story of bozo Barbara Mitchell who stole a number of items from her next door neighbor, including a television, shoes, hair care products and a Harley-Davidson bath towel. It was that Harley bath towel that sealed our bozo’s fate. The neighbor spotted it when our bozo hung it out to dry on the clothesline in her backyard. The cops were called, and after a little investigative work, bozo Barbara was arrested.

7 14, 1999

We’ve searched all existing laws and can’t find any law that our bozo for today violated. But, there was just no way we could avoid honoring him. From Little Rock, Arkansas comes the story of bozo Joseph Tindell who was taking a look inside a gasoline can at the mobile home where he lived, trying to determine if there was any gas left in the container. The light was not very good in his living room, so our bozo took out his trusty Zippo lighter, lit it and held it over the can to get a better look. As you might have guessed, gasoline and an open flame are not a good combination and before you knew it the fumes ignited. Our bozo compounded the problem by slinging the burning gas can across the room, further spreading the flames. Our bozo and his girlfriend escaped unharmed. The trailer was a total loss.

7 13, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lawrence, Massachusetts where bozo Robert Clark works as a nurse at a nursing home. To supplement his income, our bozo had a bad habit of stealing drugs from the nursing home pharmacy and then selling them on the street. Our bozo got into trouble when he stole some morphine from the pharmacy and then paged a customer who had bought drugs from him before. Or at least he thought he was calling an old customer. He misdialed and instead paged a Lawrence police officer. When the officer returned the call, our bozo asked him how he’d liked the morphine that he sold him before. The quick thinking cop played along and arranged to meet our bozo to purchase the drugs. The bozo was arrested when he arrived to make the deal, drugs in hand.

7 12, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from Newport, Delaware where bozo Robert Harrigan was wanted by the cops for leaving the scene of an automobile accident. Police didn’t have any trouble tracking our bozo down, however. The impact of the crash ruptured several paint cans in the bed of our bozo’s pickup, leaving a paint trail four miles long into the parking lot of the bozo’s apartment complex.

7 9, 1999

Bozo criminal for today just couldn’t get anything right. From Salt Lake City, Utah comes the story of bozo Robbie Davis who walked into a convenience store and purchased a soda. When the clerk opened the cash register, our bozo tried to reach in and grab some cash, but the employee slammed the drawer shut before he could grab any. Our bozo then lunged for the register, knocking it to the floor. The bozo again attempted to grab some cash but was stopped this time by a customer. Deciding that things just weren’t working out, our bozo tried to make a run for it. But when he got outside, he discovered that he had lost one of his sandals in the scuffle with the customer. So, he came back into the store, picked up his sandal and then fled on foot, leaving behind his getaway vehicle, a bicycle. Residents who saw the whole thing pointed officers in the right direction, ending with the man’s arrest in the stairwell of a nearby apartment complex.

7 8, 1999

Bozo criminal for today took a little too much of a good thing. From the International File in The Netherlands comes the story of a bozo criminal known only as "Albert B." Albert B was known as the "dinner pirate" for his habit of ordering expensive meals and fine wines at the best restaurants and then telling the waiter, "You have a problem" when the check was presented. He would then claim he didn’t have enough money to pay the tab and would sneak out of the restaurant while the confused waiter tried to figure out what to do. Bozo Albert was captured when he found a restaurant he really enjoyed. He was recognized and arrested when he made the mistake of hitting the same restaurant two weeks in a row.

7 7, 1999

Bozo criminals for today come from St. Paul, Minnesota where three bozos broke into a house and used a shotgun to threaten a man that they said owed them money, firing a warning shot over the man’s head in an attempt to scare him into paying up. On their way out, the shotgun discharged again, this time hitting one of the bozos in the rear end. All three were arrested a few minutes later when a police officer saw the wounded man limpling down the street and stopped to investigate.

7 6, 1999

Bozo criminal for today comes from Richmond, Virginia where a German "tourist", supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist doesn’t know a thing about the sport. He asks him to demonstrate his swing, which the bozo does–something that comes out looking like a cross between a bowling and a baseball swing. The customs official then decided to check the bozo’s golf bag, and found it filled not with golf equipment but with narcotics. Our bozo smuggler was arrested.

7 5, 1999

A Best of Bozo. From the Archive… Bozo criminal for today comes from Bloomington, Indiana where bozo Reggie Chiles thought he had found the ideal situation for an "expert" safecracker like himself. A small local business that kept several thousand dollars in their safe. Our bozo got into the building and was in the process of opening the safe when he noticed a small blinking red light up near the ceiling. Sure enough, it was a video surveillance camera. Instead of trying to hide his face from the camera, our bozo climbed up on a chair and stuck his face right into the camera as he took a screwdriver to the mounting brackets. He got away with the camera and some cash, but unfortunately for the bozo the recording equipment was in another room and he left behind a tape containing an excellent picture of his ugly bozo mug. He was quicklly recognized by the cops and arrested.