Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

10 29, 1998

The Bozo criminal for today comes from San Antonio, Texas where bozo Rafael Lopez pulled a drive-by shooting at a residence that he thought was the home of a rival gang member. Our bozo made two mistakes. He shot at the wrong house — this one was vacant. He didn’t notice the police officers performing a routine traffic stop directly across from the house. The officers stopped writing the traffic ticket and caught up with our drive-by bozo in a couple of blocks.

10 28, 1998

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan for passing along today’s report. From San Jose, California comes the story of Bozo Jason Foxx who held up a bank near his home, getting away with a large amount of cash. Acting on a tip, police stopped by the bozo’s residence to question him. As the officers stepped into the bozo’s front yard, it started to rain money–cash was falling from the skies and onto the officers heads. Upon further investigation, the cops discovered that our bozo had hidden the loot in the rain gutter of his house and as luck would have it, the wind picked up just as the officers were approaching. Needless to say, he’s now in jail.

10 27, 1998

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who pointed out this bozo story in a recent Ann Landers column. From Cleveland, Ohio comes the story of a hapless bozo ho made a couple of crucial errors in his attempt to hold up a bank. First of all, he made a big scene demanding that the teller give him his money in $1000 bills. The poor teller finally convinced him that the government no longer prints $1000 bills and the bozo accepted his cash in smaller denomonations. The bozo then rushed out of the bank, hopped on a bicycle and sped away. One problem–he left behind his wallet–complete with ID and address.

10 26, 1998

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Baltimore, Maryland where Bozo Gary Lester was serving on a jury in a murder trial. As he was entering the courthouse he was asked to empty his pockets before passing thru the metal detector. He was arrested after he removed 30 packets of cocaine from his pockets.

10 23, 1998

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jon Marsh who passed along today’s story via the internet. From Winsted, Connecticut comes the story of bozos Deborah Bourey and Jason Hathaway who were arrested for growing marijuana. It was the location they chose to grow their dope that got them in trouble. They grew their marijuana in pots on their back porch. The only problem is the back porch is less than one hundred yards from the parking lot of police headquarters.

10 22, 1998

The Bozo criminals for today come from Lanagan, Missouri where Bozos Fred Chamberalin and Joey Burns both had outstanding warrants against them. The two bozos were sitting in their living room enjoying a marijuana cigarette when they heard a knock at the door. Outside was a former policeman who was campaigning door to door in his bid to become mayor. The two bozos invited the ex cop in. They also offered him some marijuana. The ex cop excused himself, went to the house next door and called the police who came by and busted our two bozos.

10 21, 1998

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 1054: When committing a crime, it’s usually a good idea not to target the wife of the local chief of police. From Moscow, Idaho comes the story of Bozo Sherry Stevens who stole a prescription pad from her doctor and decided to write herself a prescription for some painkillers. She made two mistakes: First she misspelled the name of the medication. And second, the pharmacist was the wife of the city’s chief of police who happened to be in the pharmacy at the time. Those two mistakes are a sure prescription for getting arrested.

10 20, 1998

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from Doylestown, Pennsylvania where Bozo Christopher Brown held up the local pizza shop. Our bozo locked the store’s only employee in the bathroom and went hunting for the cash. He forgot to take away the woman’s purse before he locked her in the bathroom and she used her cell phone to call the cops, who arrived while the bozo was still in the store. At his arraignment, our bozo said, "I really don’t know what was going through my mind." Nothing, and that’s the problem.

10 19, 1998

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jim Dickson of Tyler, Texas who passed along today’s report. From Myrtle Beach, South Carolina comes the story of Bozo Howard Davis who wanted to open up a little restaurant of his own. Unfortunately he didn’t have enough cash to buy the equipment to furnish his place. So he did what any bozo would do– he stole the stuff he needed from a restaurant down the street. And how was he caught? One of the items he stole was a refrigerator, which had pictures of the owner’s grandkids stuck to the door. He made it easy for the police to identify when he didn’t bother to remove the pictures.

10 16, 1998

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Tim Woodruff of Diana, Texas who passed along today’s report. From Lynwood, Washington, comes the story of Bozo Ben Wright who robbed a bank in Lynwood. The bozo grabbed his cash and made a quick break for it in his getaway vehicle which was an extremely large motor home. His getaway was considerably less quick than he had hoped, however, as the motor home soon became ensnarled in heavy noontime traffic. Police officers on foot were able to overtake and arrest him.

10 15, 1998

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Saratoga Springs, New York where Bozo Tracy Wilson walked into a bank and tried to pass a counterfeit $50 bill. A very poor counterfeit at that– instead of Ulysses S. Grant who’s picture is on the $50, the Bozo’s bill had a picture of Andrew Jackson, who is actually on the $20. The teller immediately noticed the fake and tried to talk our bozo out of trying to pass it, telling him passing counterfeit money was illegal. The bozo, however was insistent. He was still demanding that the teller cash the bill when the guard walked over and took him into custody.

10 14, 1998

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 2256: When you choose something to steal, try to find something that won’t draw attention to yourself. From Morristown, New Jersey comes the story of Bozo Rondal Daniel who stole a bright orange and pink Dunkin Donuts van from in front of a Dunkin Donuts shop. The police were notified and soon the cops were in hot pursuit. Don’t know if it was because he stole the van from the cops’ favorite eatery or what, but before long our bozo was being pursued down the interstate by a long line of troopers and local cops from two states, sirens wailing and lights flashing. It looked like something straight out of Smokey and the Bandit. Our bozo finally pulled over and was arrested for drunk driving. The moral to the story–don’t mess with the cops donut supply.

10 13, 1998

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Davenport, Iowa where Bozo Chad Ramsey stole two cases of beer from a convenience store. In his haste to get away, he ran away from the scene of the crime leaving his car parked in the alley behind the store. The bozo then had to decide how to handle the now abandoned car. He came up with the bright idea of calling the police and reporting the car as stolen. When the cops found the car, they asked him to report to the store to identify the vehicle. When he showed up, witnesses identified our bozo as the thief.

10 12, 1998

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jim Dickson of Tyler who passed along today’s Bozo Report. From Plymouth, North Carolina comes the story of two bozos who were foiled by modern technology. It seems that during a break in at a high school our bozo burglars found a camera in one of the classrooms and amused themselves by taking pictures of each other committing the crime. When they couldn’t figure out how to get the film out of the camera, they concluded that it wasn’t loaded and left it behind. Wrong. It was one of the new digital cameras that stores pictures on a computer disc. Investigators downloaded the snapshots to a computer and got a complete photographic record of the crime. The next picture the bozos had made was their mug shots.

10 9, 1998

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan who passed along today’s Report from Austin, Texas. Bozo Bobby Wolfe was arrested by police responding to a report of a store robbery. The police grabbed our bozo as he was running naked down the street. He told the cops he’d stripped after the robbery because he was worried that his clothes would make him identifiable.

10 8, 1998

The Bozo criminal for today comes from New Orleans, Louisiana where bozo Ernestine Ferguson stole a refrigerator from the Edwards Elementary School where she worked. When she got it home she discovered that the refrigerator was not working. So, what would a bozo do? Of course she called someone from the New Orleans School System’s maintenance department and asked them to come over to her house and repair it. The suspicious repair man called the cops.

10 7, 1998

Bozo News Hawk Awards to the officers of the Huntington, Texas police department who passed along this story. From Huntington, Texas comes the story of Bozo Suzie Malone who was arrested for cashing a forged check. And how did the cops track her down? Easy. When she cashed the forged check she wrote her real drivers license number on the back of the check.

10 6, 1998

The Bozo criminals for today come from New Britain, Connecticut where bozos Paul Christopher and Peter Taylor had been drinking all night at a local bar. When it closed down the bozos when looking for someplace else to get a drink. They came upon another bar and, finding it closed, decided to break in. What the bozos failed to realize was that the building they’d actually broken into was the office next door to the bar, which happened to be a bank. Police, responding to the bank’s silent alarm, found the bozos wandering around, still trying to find something to drink.

10 5, 1998

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from St. Albans, West Virginia where Bozo James Brunson visited the police station one night and told the officers that he’d always wanted to go for a ride in a police car. He got his wish when one of the officers recognized the bozo as being wanted for stealing an air conditioner from a woman’s home.

10 2, 1998

The Bozo Criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 7609: If you are a wanted man, it’s not a good idea to get yourself involved in a high profile medical transplant. From the International File in Lyon, France comes this update. You no doubt heard the story about the man, Clint Hallam who was the first person to receive a transplanted hand. Turns out he also was wanted for seven counts of fraud involving pyramid type schemes. He was served with court papers after police recognized his name and picture in the newspaper.