Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

12 03, 1997

The Bozo criminals for this morning come from Suburban Atlanta, Georgia, where 19 year old Sherrod Terry and 20 year old Akram Muhammad were trapped inside the Long John Silver’s restaurant they were trying to rob after police responded quickly to a burglary call, catching the bozos red handed. As the stand off wore on, with the police surrounding the outside and the two bozos inside, the crooks ran out of ideas as to how they could escape. Finally, one of the bozos got so desperate that he called his mother for advice. She told them to surrender, which they did.

12 02, 1997

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who pointed out this story in a recent Ann Landers column. The police department in Valley Springs, California received a cell phone call from a motorist who said that the truck driver right in front of him was weaving all over the road and should be pulled over. Officers were dispatched and quickly found the trucker and pulled him over. The car behind the truck who had called in the complaint also pulled over. Police checked the truck driver and found him to be sober and in good shape. They then went back to the car that had called in the complaint. And that’s where they found our bozo–extremely drunk–twice the legal limit. He was so drunk, he didn’t realize that the truck was driving in a straight line, it was the bozo who was swerving all over the road. This is the first case in bozo history of a bozo actually having himself arrested.

12 01, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Providence, Rhode Island, where bozo David Posman held up an armored car, knocking out the driver and grabbing the four nearest bags of money. Unfortunately, the bozo chose four bags containing $800 worth of pennies and weighing 30 pounds each. Even more unfortunate, the bozo was on foot. He was slowed to a stagger by the weight of the pennies and was quickly caught from behind by the police.