Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

12 31, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacob Lake, Arizona where bozo drug dealer Germain Berrella was in a bind after his car broke down on the highway. Luckily for him a truck driver stopped and offered to take him into town. The bozo accepted the offer and insisted on taking some personal items with him inside the truck. Some of the items were understandable, clothes, a shaving kit and….his spare tire. Yes, he insisted that he sit in the truck with the spare tire on his lap. The truck driver thought this a little strange and after dropping the bozo off at a local motel, he called the cops. The police stopped by and found 11 pounds of marijuana inside the spare tire.

12 30, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacob Lake, Arizona where bozo drug dealer Germain Berrella was in a bind after his car broke down on the highway. Luckily for him a truck driver stopped and offered to take him into town. The bozo accepted the offer and insisted on taking some personal items with him inside the truck. Some of the items were understandable, clothes, a shaving kit and….his spare tire. Yes, he insisted that he sit in the truck with the spare tire on his lap. The truck driver thought this a little strange and after dropping the bozo off at a local motel, he called the cops. The police stopped by and found 11 pounds of marijuana inside the spare tire.

12 29, 1997

The Bozo criminal for this morning comes from Charlotte, North Carolina. This bozo had obviously not yet perfected his craft. Bozo Richard Reeves planned on robbing a bank in Charlotte. To conceal his identity, the bozo put a paper bag over his head, but he put it on several blocks away from the bank. Alert drivers in nearby cars called the police from their car phones to alert them of a suspicious man driving a car with a bag over his head and pulling into a bank parking lot. Once inside, our bozo criminal could not be understood because he forgot to cut a mouth hole in the bag. After repeating himself several times, he finally got a handful of money and ran out of the bank and right into the waiting arms of a dozen police officers.

12 26, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Nashville, Tennessee where bozo Ray Talley was sentenced to six months in jail for committing one of the stupidest crimes in bozo history. Ray was arrested for placing a 20 foot ladder across some railroad tracks, intending for the train to hit it. Railroad officers saw him place the ladder on the track and were able to remove it before a tragedy occurred. What really makes Talley a bozo is his reason for placing the ladder on the tracks. He said he had stolen the 20 foot ladder, but it was too long for him to use, so he placed it on the track hoping the train would cut it into two ten foot sections.

12 24, 1997

Thanks to several bozo News Hawks who pointed out this bozo story to us in the local papers. From Longview, Texas comes the story of three bozos who were arrested on charges of using stolen credit cards. The three took the stolen cards on a shopping spree at the mall and were caught when a department store cashier noticed that one of the bozos had misspelled the name on the card when signing the receipt.

12 24, 1997

The Bozo criminals for today come from Baltimore, Maryland, where bozos Robert Quarry and Mike Steiner broke into an auto supply store and stole several car batteries, loading them into the back of their pickup truck. The bozos were unable to make a clean getaway with their haul of batteries, however. The reason? Their own car would not start–the battery was dead.

12 23, 1997

Thanks to several bozo News Hawks who pointed out this bozo story to us in the local papers. From Longview, Texas comes the story of three bozos who were arrested on charges of using stolen credit cards. The three took the stolen cards on a shopping spree at the mall and were caught when a department store cashier noticed that one of the bozos had misspelled the name on the card when signing the receipt.

12 22, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Oxnard, California where bozo Keith Wallace had taught his three year old son that even though dad smoked pot, it was bad and he shouldn’t ever touch it. Last week our bozo was pulled over by the cops for speeding. While the police officer was checking the bozo’s license, the bozo’s son reached under the seat and pulled out a bag of marijuana, holding it up to the police officer and saying, "Bad. Bad. Bad." The cop checked the bag and arrested the bozo.

12 21, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Portland, Oregon where bozo Duane Babcock robbed a bank and made a clean getaway by hailing a cab outside the branch of the Bank of America he had just held up. The driver, who knew nothing about the robbery, took the bozo to his residence. Later, when the FBI questioned the cabbie, he told them he not only recoginzed the robber, he knew right where he lived. To compound his problems, the bozo still had the holdup note in his pocket when the police arrived.

12 18, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Lee’s Summit, Missouri, where Bozo Gary Aicard wins our excuse of the week. Our bozo was arrested after he was spotted running naked thru the building where he was employed as a security guard. There had been several reports of a streaker in the building in previous days. When confronted by police, the bozo said he had stripped naked in an effort to befriend the real streaker so he could catch him.

12 17, 1997

The Bozo criminal for to day probably shouldn’t have gone hunting. From Bowling Green, Ohio comes the story of Bozo Doug Vestal who got his name and picture in the local paper after bagging a trophy buck. Only problem, our bozo is on probation and is not allowed to own or carry any weapons. His probation officer spotted his picture in the paper and called the cops who searched his house and found two rifles and 200 rounds of ammo. He’s now back in jail.

12 16, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California where a couple came home to find their house had been broken into. Police were called and were investigating the crime scene when a sharp-eared officer heard a beeping sound coming from a closet. He opened the door, and sure enough our bozo thief was hiding there, given away by his beeping alarm wristwatch.

12 15, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From La Ronge, Saskatchewan, Canada comes the story of James Fennigan, who walked into a hotel with his fingers cocked in the shape of a handgun. Pointing his fingers at the clerk, he shouted, "This is a stickup. I’m not fooling around." Amazingly, the clerk was not frightened by the bozo’s weapon. Instead of handing over the cash, the clerk called for security who rushed over and quickly disarmed and arrested our bozo.

12 12, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Knoxville, Tennessee where bozo Jamaal Wallace was pulled over at a routine traffic checkpoint. Police officers were taken aback by the scent of air freshener when the bozo rolled down his window. Looking inside, the cops noticed that our bozo had hung 20 of the "pine tree" type air fresheners insided the car. Thinking the bozo might be trying to cover up the aroma of something, the police checked the bozo’s trunk and sure enough they found 300

12 11, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Anaheim, California where Bozo Clyde Hampton robbed a bank, and then made his getaway on foot. Or so he thought. You see, what he was wearing made him rather easy to spot. His attire–a dark blue business suit with a pair of pink fuzzy slippers. Police quickly spotted and apprehended the guy, who could offer no logical explanation as to why he robbed a bank in a suit and

12 10, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Medford, Oregon where Robert Finney was arrested for growing marijuana. When he came before the judge, his excuse was that he didn’t know the four foot tall plant was marijuana. He claimed that someone had sold it to him as a "living christmas tree."

12 09, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today is from the International File. From Aelta, Sweden comes the story of a bozo who was arrested after police received complaints of a naked guy riding down the street on his motorcycle. The bozo’s excuse? He said he was a member of a motorcycle gang and he was going to pay a visit to a rival gang and he felt the best way to demonstrate that he was unarmed was to strip naked. That’s also the best way to demonstrate that you’re a bozo.

12 08, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Bristol, Connecticut, where Bozo Joseph Castellano walked into a Dunkin’ Donuts wearing a jacket with his name on it and carrying a fake pistol. He shoved the gun in the clerk’s face and demanded money. When the clerk started crying, the bozo tried to calm her down by showing her the gun was fake. He then said to forget about the money, just give him a cup of coffee to go, which the waitress did. The bozo then walked out of the Dunkin’ Donuts and right into his home, which was only two doors away. He was enjoying his cup of coffee when police arrived.

12 05, 1997

The Bozo Criminal for today was foiled by his modern technology. Bozo Michael Lloyd Jackson of Conyers, Georgia, called the cops to report his recently purchased Mercedes convertible had been stolen. The cops checked the records and found that the car was equipped with something called a Lojack, a hidden transmitter that, when triggered by police, sends out a radio signal that leads them to the vehicle. In this case, the transmitter led them directly to the bozo’s own basement, where he had hidden his own car, hoping to claim it as stolen and collect on insurance.

12 04, 1997

This morning we have our first confirmed Generation X Bozos. These two may not exactly be criminals but they are certainly bozos. From Ithaca, New York comes the story of two college students who were arrested after getting into a fight in a bar. The reason for the fight? The two bozos were arguing over who had the better looking goatee.