Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

9 2, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today just couldn’t do anything right. 25 year old Joseph Keitt of Rockaway, NY was driving in Queens when he made and illegal U-turn, which was his first mistake. His second mistake was doing it directly in front of a police patrol car. He was pulled over, whereupon mistake number three was revealed: he was driving with a suspended license. Police hauled him down to the precinct for booking where he made his fourth and final mistake: allegedly offering an officer $500 to drop all charges and let him go. Police locked him up for reckless driving, driving with a suspended license and attempting to bribe a police officer.

9 1, 1997

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Milwaukee, Wisconsin where bozo James Hoffman broke into the home of an elderly couple, thinking they would be easy victims. The bozo was unaware of bozo rule #6: Don’t mess with Granny. When the 34 year old bozo demanded money from his victim, a 72 year old woman, she whacked him upside the head with a coffee mug, knocking him to the ground. As the bozo was trying to regain his senses, her 77 year old husband pulled out his trusty pocket knife and held the bozo at bay until police arrived.