Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

June 02, 2000

Thanks to many Bozo News Hawks who alerted us to this one. From the International File in Manila, Philippines comes the story of bozo Augusto Lacandula who was upset because his wife had run off with another man. Our distraught bozo boarded a Philippines Airlines flight wearing a fetching blue bonnet and swimmer’s goggles, with a lavender colored homemade parachute on his back. He walked around the cabin waving a hand grenade, terrorizing passengers and demanding cash. As the airplane descended and the cabin was depressurized so he could leap out our bozo noticed that his parachute didn’t have a ripcord. The helpful crew made a makeshift one out of a length of curtain sash and attached it to the contraption. Then, when it came time to make his big jump to freedom, our bozo chickened out…but again the helpful crew came to his rescue with one of them giving him a little push. To no one’s surprise, the chute didn’t open and our bozo was found on the jungle floor with only his arms sticking out of the mud.

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