Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

1 28, 1999

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 0969: If you’re going to rob someplace, it’s usually a good idea to remember where you parked your getaway car. From Shawnee, Kansas comes the story of Bozos Jason McGee and Shawn Albert who held up the local McDonalds, locking the employees in a meat cooler. The employees soon got out and called the cops, who noticed one car that no one could identify in the parking lot. The cops called the owner of the car who gave a description of her boyfriend who she said had borrowed the car. On a hunch, the cops decided to check out the bar next door and sure enough there was our bozo and his accomplice, throwing back a few brewskis. And why did they head to the bar instead of driving away from the scene of the crime? According to our bozo, amid all the excitement of the holdup, they simply couldn’t find their getaway car in the large McDonalds parking lot, so they decided they would cool their heels for a while in the bar. Those heels are now being cooled in jail.

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