Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

11 16, 1998

The Bozo criminal for today receives the Bozo Ultimate Double-Solid-Gold Bad Timing Award. From Winston-Salem, North Carolina comes the story of a bozo claiming to be Jerry Cain who walked into a bank and tried to open an account. He had a birth certificate, social security card, even a bottle of prescription medicine with the name Jerry Cain on it. Even with all this information, the teller refused to open an account for our bozo. What he didn’t know was that of all the banks in the city, the bozo had chosen the bank that Melinda Cain worked at — she is the late Jerry Cain’s widow. The bozo had used information from Mr. Cain’s obituary to obtain his social security number and birth certificate and then he had the unfortunate luck of walking up to Mrs. Cain’s window at the bank. Incredibly, Mrs. Cain stayed calm and stalled the bozo while another employee called the cops. The bozo was still arguing with Mrs. Cain claiming to be Mr. Cain when police arrived.

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