Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

5 28, 1998

The Bozo criminal for today doesn’t really qualify as a criminal but he is such a bozo that we couldn’t let the story slip by without honoring him. From Hornell, New York, comes the story of Heath Hess who decided to walk along the railroad tracks to get away from the noisy street so he could talk on his cell phone. Our bozo stuck a finger in his other ear to cut out all outside noise while he talked–and we do mean all outside noise. Including that of an approaching train. The bozo was so wrapped up in his conversation that he didn’t even hear the train’s horn. The engineer on the train saw the bozo on the tracks and tried everything he could think of to warn him. In a last ditch effort, the engineer threw a water bottle at the bozo, finally getting his attention. He was able to leap from the tracks just as the train passed by. The bozo was treated at the hospital for bruises, abrasions and extreme stupidity.

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