Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

3 5, 1998

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Pearl River, New York, where an unidentified bozo tried to hold up the Marine Midland Bank. Our bozo walked in wearing a plastic bag over his head and handed the teller a note. The teller squinted at the note but the bozo’s handwriting was so bad he couldn’t decipher it. So, the teller called over another teller who also couldn’t read it. Before long all the clerks were trying to decipher what the note said. It took about 15 minutes to figure out the first line which said, “I’ve got a gun” and by then our hapless bozo had become discouraged and left empty handed, without having said a word or showing a weapon.

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