Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

3 24, 1998

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Carbon County, Pennsylvania, where a group of bozos were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of Bozo Irving Michaels’ home. The men were firing at a racoon that had the misfortune to be walking by. But the beer apparently impaired their aim and despite the estimated 35 shots fired at the poor creature, he escaped into a 3 foot drainage pipe a few feet away. Determined to terminate the animal, our bozo retreived a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the racoon out. Bozo threw a match in. Nothing. So he poured some more gas down the pipe, threw in another match and still no flames. Finally the bozo poured the whole 5 gallon can of gasoline down the drainage pipe, then proceeded to slide feet first approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss the match. The subsequent rapidly expanding fireball propelled our bozo back the way he had come, flying out of the pipe not unlike someone shot out of a cannon at the circus. The bozo landed with a thud in his front yard, miraculously suffering only minor injuries. No word on the whereabouts of the racoon.

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