Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

Definitely Nothing to Poo-Poo About

Our bozo for today from the International File in Cabot Ward, Bristol, England did nothing illegal but was criminally stupid. To set the scene, Liam Harris had a date set up through his Tinder account with a lovely young girl who claimed to be an “amateur gymnast.” The date went well and our young couple ended up back at his apartment. Things went downhill quickly when the lovely young lady excused herself to use the bathroom. By her own admission she “went for a poo” in the toilet and when it wouldn’t flush, she panicked. That was when she came up with the ultimate bozo solution to the problem. She reached into the toilet, removed the offending turd, wrapped it in toilet paper and threw it out the window. Problem solved, right? Wrong. Due to a “design quirk” in the apartment building, the poo didn’t make it to the ground, instead it was lodged in a narrow gap between his home and a non-opening double glazed window. At this point our damsel in distress revealed her problem to her date. Prince Charming was going to smash the window with a chisel, but his date, being an “amateur gymnast” after all, convinced him to let her try to squeeze into the tight space and retrieve the package. After several attempts and a lot of squirming she worked her way far enough in that she was able to grab it and pass it to him. Now all she had to do was wiggle back out. But, unfortunately, this wasn’t as easy as it sounded. The more she wiggled, the more tightly stuck she became, finally ending up lodged, upside down in the gap. Nothing left to do now but call the fire department. Bristol’s finest arrived and removed her unharmed, breaking the window in the process. No word on whether the date continued or if our young lovers decided to call it a night.

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