You Mean This Thing Actually Tells the Cops Where I’ve Been?

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joanne for sending in today’s report from Pittsfield, Massachusetts, where police have broken up a burglary ring responsible for more than 130 break-ins. And bozo Jamie Thompson almost made it too easy for them. He was wearing a court-ordered electronic monitoring device when he committed the crimes. All the cops had to do was match up the dates and times from the burglaries to the information contained on his “bracelet.” That, combined with his cellphone records and over 200 stolen items found at his residences, adds up to one thing: Busted!