Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Michael Tooher for sending in today’s report. From Portland, Maine comes the story of bozo Daniel Carson who put on a hard hat and reflective vest and, after telling a security guard that he was here to take a Pepsi vending machine back to the plant for repairs, began an attempt to remove it from the Westgate Shopping Center. A few things aroused suspicion. Number one: He tried to remove the machine by dragging it out with a length of rope tied to his pickup. Number two: The pickup had become stuck in the the shopping center’s flower beds. And number three: It was 3:30 in the morning. The security guard called the cops who placed our bozo under arrest.