Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Columbus, Ohio comes the story of bozo Stan Higgins who picked the lock on one of the vans at an appliance repair company, hoping to steal the valuable tools inside. Being extra careful not to be seen, once inside, he closed the door of the van behind him. This would have been OK except for one thing: this van was equipped with a child safety lock that kept anyone from being able to open the doors from the inside. Our bozo found himself trapped in the back of the van, as a heavy steel cage prevented him from getting to the front seat. And that’s where company employees found him when they arrived for work the next day. He was freed and arrested.