Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

October 17, 2003

From the International File in Bremen, Germany comes the story of the most inept bozo we’ve come across in a while. The man broke into a lumberyard and destroyed the coffee machine looking for money before discovering it took only tokens, not cash. He failed to notice a large sign on the machine stating that fact. He then stole a mobile phone, which only worked on the grounds of the company. He also grabbed a cordless screwdriver but forgot to get the batteries and a charger. All this activity caused him to work up a thirst which he quenched with a can of coke that had been sitting on in one of the offices and was more than a year past its expiration date. The cops are looking for a bozo with a bellyache stuck with a lot of junk.

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