Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Rich Hagy for sending in today’s report. From Portland, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Michael Freed who called 911 several times, saying he was drunk and needed a cup of coffee. The 911 operator told him that didn’t exactly qualify as an emergency. But our bozo wouldn’t give up. He kept calling saying he was really drunk and really needed that cup of coffee. Finally a squad car was dispatched to our bozo’s house. Just in time to find him attempting to drive himself to get that cup of coffee. He was right about the drunk part. He’s under arrest for DUI.