Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

June 17, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Wiltshire, England where bozo Nolan Preston broke into a hospital and stole some pagers. Then he spotted the tanning bed. Thinking he looked a little pale, he jumped in and set the timer for 45 minutes, which might have been OK except for one thing. This was a hospital, not a tanning salon. And this was not a tanning bed but a special ultraviolet light machine used for burn victims. It’s only supposed to be used for 10 seconds at a time. As you might expect, our bozo got a burn that Solarcaine or aloe vera couldn’t help. He was arrested by the cops when he arrived at another hospital to be treated for the burns, wearing a physician’s coat he had also stolen.

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