Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

April 30, 2002

Bozo criminals for today come from San Francisco, California where three bozos broke into an internet cafe the other night and carried out the ATM machine. Most people with plans for breaking into an ATM would carry it to some secluded area to do the deed but if you’re a bozo you take it to the most public of places, a city park. It was there that our gang began banging away on the machine, making all kinds of racket. They didn’t succeed in breaking it open but they did attract the attention of neighbors who called the cops. When the police arrived our bozos played possum, lying down near the ATM and pretending to be asleep while surrounded by steel bars, rocks and the other tools they had used to try to open the machine. The cops weren’t fooled. The bozos were arrested.

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